I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize