Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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