I swear she didn't look like that last week.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
