Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
