Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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