I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
