All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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