I think im going to throw up on grandma
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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