My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
