I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize