guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
