Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
