You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize