ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
