dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
It's never too late to be topless.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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