So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
