he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
