you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
