P.S. I can't hear my feet
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
