That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
