I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
