Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
