Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
