DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
