dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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