In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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