I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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