So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
