I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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