I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
