it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Randomize
