you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize