There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
