I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
