But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Randomize
