he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
