ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I need help removing her.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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