How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
