tell your sister to shave her snatch
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Randomize
