I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Randomize
