i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
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