There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
