Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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