i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
