Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I'm drive I can fine osifer
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
