White coat. Heels.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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