I can text with my tongue
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
