i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
