Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
i believe in u and ur pee
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
