Grow some girl-balls and come out already
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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