I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Come share oat with me in your robe
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
