and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
