I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Is Oprah even human
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
