I'm eating all of the evidence.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
