we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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