One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
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