Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
