It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Randomize
