Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
