I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
