Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
