I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
