The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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