He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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