the new term for farting is butt boxing.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Randomize
