well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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