i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
