The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
