My liver just broke up with me...
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
