she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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