I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Randomize
