She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
