Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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