I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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