I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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